


sweet dreams; till we meet again

by shairiru



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dreams and Nightmares, Insomnia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-19 19:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4757624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shairiru/pseuds/shairiru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>A body lies on the ground. A thick pool of liquid crawls on the grass. A pair of red eyes stares back blankly.</i><br/> <br/><i>Dead.</i><br/> <br/>Midorima, now a university instructor, has been haunted by the same nightmare for the longest time. Sleeping pills used to stop them, but when he faints midday due to a vision from his dream, he realizes they're not working anymore. When he is prescribed a new set of medication, his nightmares stop. However, something else starts occupying his dreams - something he has long forgotten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sweet dreams; till we meet again

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any mistakes T_T (i'm sure there's a lot)

 

"All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams." - Elias Canetti

 

* * *

 

 

_A body lies on the ground. A thick pool of liquid crawls on the grass. A pair of red eyes stares back blankly._

 

_Dead._

 

_#_

 

There are two possibilities that can happen if Midorima tries to sleep:

 

  1. He will fall asleep and his dreams will be haunted by the same scene he has been dreaming of for as long as he can remember. He doesn’t know exactly when it started. All he does know is that he started to fear sleep because of that dream.
  2. He will not fall asleep, trying hard to keep his eyes open in fear that the darkness will consume him and pull him back to that dream.



 

As much as he can, he chooses the second option everytime. This way, he would be awake for days and when his body is finally tired to even move a single muscle, a third option becomes possible:

 

3\. He will fall on his bed at night and would close his eyes, too spent to even bother changing into his sleeping clothes. When he opens his eyes, a new day has finally come. No dreams. No blood.

 

This option, however, doesn’t fare for his body well. He becomes frail and is one day rushed into the hospital, needles stuck into his arteries to replenish his body of the fluids it had lost. The doctors later told him and his parents that his current habit would kill him by the time he was thirty. They prescribed him a sleeping pill that he is to take an hour before he goes to bed.

 

The pill managed to keep the dreams away but only to have them come at him moments before he wakes. But he supposes it’s better that way. At least he didn’t have to suffer for the entirety of the night. He continued with the pills, placing them neatly on his bedside table just within arm’s reach. He faithfully took one pill a night an hour before he retires for bed, and somehow, the dream isn’t as haunting as before. It was still there, however, looming like an undetachable shadow. He learned to live with it. 

 

Midorima was high school back then.

 

 

 

Two years has passed since he graduated from Biology. Two years since he decided that being a doctor is not the path he must take but being a teacher in the academe. A year since his sister entered university and is taking another premed course in his stead. Someone _had_ to be a doctor in the family. 

 

This day marks his first day of teaching a general elective. He taught Introduction to Biology for freshmen Bio majors the past two years and it seemed that the senior faculty liked the way he handled his classes, and so they added two general elective classes in his teaching load. Not that he liked teaching that much, but the extra work will help a lot on expenses and clearing his mind off distractions. 

 

Noisy chatters reach his ears as he nears the door to the lecture hall. He straightens his polo shirt and pushes up his glasses. Takao has told him that his perpetual frowning face will scare students away. He breathes and tries to exude a smiling face as much as he can as he closes his hand around the cool metal handle of the door. He pulls it open and the chilly air from within greets him. Silence follows immediately.

 

“Good morning everyone.” He walked towards the center aisle, his footsteps echoing within the spacious room. He skims the crowd and sees wide, youthful eyes staring back at him. Freshmen always have that look on them. “I’ll just be checking the attendance for today. Afterwards, you can go. Make sure to read the readings that I will post in our online portal. The details will be found here-” he raises the stack of paper on his left hand before giving it to the nearest student in front of him, “-in the class syllabus that I will be passing around.”

 

A sigh of relief wash through the students and most of them even broke into smiles. There’s no way better to get into the good side of your students than giving them their first day at university free.

 

“Okay then, let’s start. Aida?”

 

“Here!”

 

“Akane?”

 

“Here!”

 

The doors open just as he calls out the next name - Akashi - and the person calls out “Here!” Midorima turns to the newly arrived student -

 

_A body lies on the ground._

 

_A thick pool of liquid crawls on the grass._

 

_A pair of red eyes stares back blankly._

 

_Then -_

 

The sound of Midorima’s body hitting the floor.

 

#

 

The soft buzz of the air conditioning wakes him from his sleep. He opens his eyes and sees the soft white lights overhead. He blinks once. Twice. _What happened?_ He looks to his left and sees a familiar wooden table with a glass of water on it. Beyond is the sky blue curtains that separates him from the next bed. He’s in the infirmary, he realizes now. He’s been here for so many times.

 

_His class!_

 

He sits up immediately, making him feel lightheaded. For a moment, the world spins. He sets his feet on the ground and tries to gather back his bearings.

 

“Midorima-sensei?”

 

His vision finally clears and he sees Ookita - the nurse - peeking from behind the curtain.

 

“Ah, sensei! You’re finally awake. We’ve been worried about you.”

 

“I fainted in class, haven’t I?”

 

“In the middle of checking attendance. Your students were quite in shock.”

 

“What time is it?”

 

“It’s quarter to one. You’ve been out for over an hour.”

 

“Good. I can still make it to my next class.”

 

“Are you sure, sensei?” She frowns at him. “You probably should rest for now.”

 

“I’ll be fine.” He stands and adjusts his collar. He combs his hand through his hair in an attempt to fix it. “Thank you for keeping me here.”

 

“Take care, will you? You’re a regular here since your undergraduate days and it’s not a good thing.”

 

“I’ll try.” He smiles slightly and then makes his way back to the lecture hall. 

 

He tries to recall what happened before he fainted. Walking into class. Talking. Checking the attendance...yes, he was doing that. A student came in late. Then there was a name that he called - the imagery threatens to flash again and he pushes it into the deepest recesses of his mind - the name was -

 

“Midorima-sensei?”

 

He jumps in surprise and finds a pair of mismatched eyes - red and gold - staring at him. An unfound feeling of fear suddenly pours onto his back. He swallows drily.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m Akashi-” _Akashi._ “-Seijuurou, I’m a student from your class before. I just wanted to ask if you’re alright now because you passed out right after you called my name for attendance. Have I done something to trigger you or anything?”

 

Midorima looks at him in wonder. “What would make you think that?”

 

“I’ve had...past experiences.” The smile he shows him is sheepish and sad at the same time. “It’s nothing, but I know a thing or two about psychology. Please tell me if I make you uncomfortable, I could request a change of course. I don’t want to be a burden.”

 

“You don’t have to do that. Believe it or not, it’s a common thing for me to pass out,” he says, trying to lighten up the mood, “Thank you for the concern but you don’t have to worry about me.”

 

“Understood.”

 

“I have to meet with my next class now so...I expect to see you in class earlier next time...Akashi-san, alright?”

 

“Yes, sensei. See you.”

 

Midorima doesn’t move from his spot until Akashi is out of his sight, and by then, the air feels freer somehow. 

 

#

 

He never realizes he has fallen asleep until he recognizes the familiar gray scenery that surrounded him. His hands dig on the ground and the grass crunches underneath his palms. A small boy lies not far from him, a pool of dark liquid flowing out from him. _Dead._ Cold sweat slides down from his back. He tries to crawl away from the body but he remains rooted on the spot. A strong wind ruffles the leaves of the trees, but he feels nothing.

 

_Then-_

 

The boy’s hand moves.

 

Midorima wakes up screaming.

 

#

 

“It’s the first time he moved. He never did before.”

 

“That’s scary, Shin-chan. First, you faint in the middle of class. Now, this.”

 

Aside from his family, the only other person who knows about the contents of his dream is Takao. They have been friends since second year college when they became lab partners in two of their majors.

 

“It’s still...vivid in my mind.” Midorima closes his eyes and shivers.

 

“You should probably go back to your doctor. You’ve been getting better recently, it’s a shame if you lose that progress.”

 

“Some time,” he mutters, “I’m not ready to talk about it to anyone.”

 

A pair of students greet Takao and he waves back at them. The cafeteria is slowly filling up. Midorima’s breakfast lay untouched before him.

 

“Shin-chan. Eat.”

 

“Right. I...I forgot.”

 

Takao sighs and leans back on his chair as Midorima tries to eat what he can in his food. His appetite has been next to none since the other night when the body moved in his dream, and he has never slept since. His next class is the one he fainted in and he still has to apologize for that.

 

“I’m going now.”

 

“Your food isn’t done yet,” Takao tells him.

 

“I can’t eat anymore. Sorry. See you later.”

 

“I’ll buy us dinner, okay?”

 

“Sure.”

 

 

When he arrives in the lecture hall, everybody is quiet. He feels the tense atmosphere as soon as he steps on the center aisle. He skims the crowd and notices the mass of red hair from the back row. 

 

“Good morning everyone, I have to apologize for my little incident last meeting. I probably got nervous about teaching a general elective for the very first time-” a soft laughter erupts from the crowd. The tension is gone in a flash. “-and rest assured that it won’t happen again. Anyway, since I failed to complete the attendance last time, everyone is considered present. For today, an attendance sheet will be passed around.” He gives the nearest student a piece of paper with the class list and he turns around to go to the platform. “Well then, let’s start. Welcome to Introduction to Biology.”

 

 

 

The lecture ends ten minutes earlier than the time. 

 

“Are there any questions?” he asks. A hand shoots up from the front row.

 

“Yes?”

 

“You haven’t told us of your name yet, sensei. And it’s also not in the syllabus.” A wave of agreement rise from the students.

 

“Midorima. I’m Midorima Shintarou,” he answers, “Any more questions? If none, then you can all go.”

 

They all stand up at almost the same time and Midorima turns to the projector to prepare for his next class. In seconds, the lecture is empty except for him and one other student who waits for him at the foot of the platform.

 

“Midorima-sensei.”

 

He turns and meets a familiar pair of eyes. 

 

“Akashi-san. Is there anything I can help you with?”

 

“I told my father about you. I mean...well he asked me about the first day of class and I told him about what happened to you. He told me to recommend you to a doctor we know well.” He pulls out a card from his pocket and gives to him. Midorima takes it and reads: _Mukami Hideyoshi, M.D._ “He was my doctor. If it’ll help you, you might want to have a check-up with him.”

 

“This is really unnecessary but thank you nonetheless.”

 

“I just still feel responsible, that’s all. I came to class late and when you turned to look at me, you just...fell. I can’t help thinking it’s my fault.”

 

Midorima flips the card over, reading the additional details. “Will it give you a peace of mind if I check with this doctor of yours?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I’ll try going here this weekend if I’m free. Thank you for the concern.”

 

“Alright. See you next week, sensei.”

 

#

 

It takes him a forty-minute train ride to reach the clinic of the doctor that Akashi recommended to him. It is located in a respectable place and some of his doubts dissipate. He hasn’t slept since the dream and his head feels heavy already. Maybe he’ll drop on his bed later and fall asleep without having to see the dream.

 

The clinic has three other patients and he has to wait for another thirty minutes before his name is called. The doctor smiles as he takes his seat opposite him.

 

“Good morning, Midorima-san, I’m Mukami Hideyoshi,” he greets him, offering his hand. Midorima shakes it in response. “Seijuurou-kun has told me about you.”

 

“Ah, yes. They were nice enough to recommend me here. To be honest, I already have another doctor that I used to go to, but I just don’t feel like the things he prescribed me works for me anymore.”

 

“That is to be expected. Medications need to be adjusted regularly depending on a patient. What has your doctor given you before?”

 

“Sleeping pills. One capsule a night an hour before I sleep. They used to...lessen the dreams but now it doesn’t work as effectively.”

 

“Dreams, is it?” He rests his elbows on his table and sets his fingers together. “What kind?”

 

“Just...this one dream.”

 

“Go on.”

 

He shifts on his seat nervously, pushing up his glasses. 

 

“There’s always a body...I think it’s a boy’s. His eyes are open and they’re always staring at me. Also, a dark fluid comes out from the body, I think it’s blood. I’m not sure because everything is in black and white. Except for the boy’s eyes. They’re red.”

 

“And you’ve been having this dream since when?”

 

“I think I started having them since I was in high school? I’ve been taking this sleeping pills and they’ve been working fine until recently.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“My dream got worse after fainting midday. The body moved.”

 

“This is the first?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Hmm.” He taps his pen against his chin. “I think for now, I can prescribe you a new medication. As you might know, sleeping pills usually inhibit the REM stage of sleeping where you can dream.”

 

“I’ve read about that.”

 

“Yes. But we have come up with a new formula that still lets the patient sleep but allows them to induce REM. It’s past its trial stages already. You will regain the ability to dream normally and the best part is all the side effects of a normal sleeping pill won’t occur with this.”

 

Midorima raises an eyebrow. “Sounds too good to be true.”

 

“Isn’t it?” The doctor laughs heartily. “Everyone’s always cautious at first, but then they come back here with amazed faces and they tell me the pill is almost a miracle. Try it for a week. If you don’t get better, then I’ll willingly refer you to another doctor.”

 

He places a pill bottle on the table, its resin-color shining like wax. Midorima takes it in his hand. The glass is cold and sends chills down his spine.

 

“How many pills a night?”

 

“Two pills before sleeping. And _voila!_ ”He snaps his fingers. “Nightmares away.”

 

#

 

The clock beside his bed tells him it’s fifteen past ten. Two red pills sit on the palm of his hand. He takes them. He lies on his bed full of uncertainties. Will he fall asleep? Will he dream? He closes eyes and lets the darkness take him.

 

#

 

“This one?”

 

“No, the one next to that. With the blue spine.”

 

Midorima reaches out further, stretching his arm as far as he could without falling from the ladder. He manages to pull the book several inches out before he loses balance. He quickly hugs the ladder, letting the book fall on the floor with a loud thud. Dust billows from where it landed and the boy waiting for him below coughs.

 

“Sorry!”

 

“So much for being careful,” the boy chastises him, picking up the book and wiping the cover with his small palm. “Come on now.”

 

He climbs down the ladder carefully and follows the boy towards the wooden tables as he tries to pull the heavy chair. Midorima sits beside him. The boy’s feet dangles, too short for where he sits. Midorima’s bare feet touch the soft carpet.

 

The boy opens the book and his red eyes widen with newfound interest. He pushes it towards Midorima. “Read.”

 

Midorima gets the book from him and turns the pages, the paper rough against his fingers. Each page is filled with foreign words, tales about faraway kingdoms and captured princesses and daring princes.  He flips through the pages, absorbing the stories without actually reading a single thing. The boy’s eyes don’t leave him for a second.

 

“What do you think?” the boy asks.

 

“It’s too heavy for normal children to understand.”

 

“They’re not for children, mother told me. But you still learn a lot. Read them all.”

 

“Have you?”

 

“Of course.” He smiles knowingly. “You should bring it home. When you return next time, let’s talk about the stories you liked most.” 

 

_Then -_

 

They stand at the front door with the boy holding it open. Midorima holds the blue book on his right hand. The sun is a white sphere against the gray sky, casting dark shadows on the ground.

 

“Come back here, alright?”

 

Midorima looks down at the boy, at his hand that clings at the hem of his own shirt and his small smile that tells of stories and his wide eyes that makes him want to be a little more curious.

 

“What’s your name?” he asks.

 

The boy’s smile fades and he looks away, letting go of Midorima’s shirt. He turns and shadows dance on his face.

 

“For now...call me Red.”

 

#

 

The alarm blares and he opens his eyes slowly. He turns to his side and turns the alarm off at once. _7:00 AM_ , it reads. 

 

“Shin-chan!” A surprised Takao shows up in the doorway, a toothbrush still stuck in his mouth. “You’ve slept well?”

 

“Surprisingly.” He rubs the sleepiness away from his eyes and stretches. He’s never felt so good after sleeping in _years._

 

“Amazing! The new pills worked!”

 

“Yeah they did. And keep down your voice, it’s so early in the morning.”

 

“Sorry! Wait up.” Takao runs to the bathroom. He hears the rush of water coming out from the faucet. He reaches for his glasses and wears them just as Takao reappears in his doorway with a grin, wiping the sides of his mouth with his towel. “I’ve got news, by the way. I got accepted. Two years abroad.”

 

“The internship in Italy?”

 

“Yeah!”

 

“Congratulations! You’ve been wanting that since our undergrad days, aren’t you? When do you leave?”

 

“Not until next semester. I still have to process a lot of documents...oh crap I should renew my passport, too.”

 

“I have to find a roommate, then. I won’t be able to handle the rent alone.”

 

“Eh, already thinking about replacing me?” They take their seats around the dining table and help themselves with breakfast. Takao stabs at his fried egg eagerly. “Don’t sweat about that, I’ll find you a good roommate.”

 

“Someone better than you, I hope?”

 

“Hey, I’m not a bad roommate!”

 

“You snore loudly at night. I can hear you through the walls.”

 

“Now okay I do admit to snoring but my snores don’t pass through the walls!” Takao pouts and nibbles at his food. Midorima wraps his hands around his mug and tries to recall last night’s dream. 

 

“It’s weird, though.”

 

“What?”

 

“The dream.”

 

Takao swallows his half-chewed food. “Wait, I thought you didn’t have it anymore?”

 

“No, no...I didn’t have the nightmare. but I still had a dream.”

 

“And what was in it?”

 

“I can’t recall clearly. It’s like the memory escaped me the moment I woke up.”

 

“Ah, that’s pretty normal for dreams. I experience that a lot, like, I swear I could tell you every detail for the first five seconds after I wake up. But after that, the memory dissipates like smoke. That’s a pretty good sign, Shin-chan. You’re dreaming normally again.”

 

A vague image of a small boy looking up at him flashes in his mind.

 

“Hopefully.”

 

#

 

The sun is shining bright and the skies are clear. Midorima covers his eyes from the glare of the light. The flowers have become more colorful. He has been in a good mood since he woke up and he feels like it’s the best day of his life. Even his co-faculty tells him he looks refreshed.

 

Technically, the dreams haven’t stopped. They just changed. And for some reason, Midorima wants to explore this change even more. His dream is an unknown world with a resident stranger, and he is a curious wanderer. The thought of it is enough to lift the shadows that constantly loomed over him.

 

After his class, he pulls Akashi aside.

 

“I just want to say thank you for recommending me to your doctor.”

 

Akashi’s eyes brighten and a soft smile forms on his face. “Did he help a lot?”

 

“Yeah. The medication he gave me worked effectively. I’ve never had a good night’s sleep in years.”

 

“You do look particularly well-rested, sensei.”

 

“It’s that obvious?” He chuckles. “Well, if you need anything that I can help with, don’t hesitate to ask me. That’s the least that I can do to return the favor.”

 

“It’s nothing, sensei. I’m glad I got to help.”

 

“Thank you so much for the concern. But this won’t reflect on your grade, you know that?”

 

“Oh, I know.” Akashi’s face brightens up with an air of challenge. “I don’t need any advantage to top this class.”

 

“Then I’ll be looking at your class performance closely, Akashi-san.”

 

“I won’t disappoint you, sensei.”

 

#

 

“Check.”

 

Midorima looks down just as Red’s lance ate his pawn and consequently trapping his king across the board. His little fingers flicks the pawn away. 

 

“I’m losing again, aren’t I?”

 

“Step up your game, Shintarou.” He giggles, swinging his bare feet back and forth. “You still haven’t won against me.”

 

He shifts on his seat, biting on his thumb in thought. His side is filled with nothing but four pawns. “I surrender.”

 

Red clucks his tongue. “Another game?”

 

_Then-_

 

“Is it nice?”

 

“What is?”

 

“Living.” Red dips his hand into the creek and sways it around. “How is it?”

 

“It’s alright...I guess.”

 

He cocks his head to the side and purses his lips. “Aren’t you happy?”

 

“I wouldn’t say I’m happy, but I’m not sad either.”

 

“Is there any satisfaction to leading a life like that? Shouldn’t you be living your life to the fullest?”

 

“Aren’t you?”

 

“I can’t do that, Shintarou,” he chuckles, but underlying it is a tone of sadness. “I have nothing to lead.”

 

_#_

 

The semester passes by without any further incidents. His dreams, previously haunted by a dead body, are now filled with conversations with Red in a world entirely different from his waking consciousness. The dreams give him a certain sense of tranquility, and so he doesn’t mind seeing Red every night. In fact, he finds himself looking forward to them.

 

_#_

 

“I-” Takao slaps his hands on top of Midorima’s table, a wide accomplished grin plastered on his face,  “-have found you a prospective roommate. And we’re having dinner later so you should probably join us. Getting to know and all.”

 

“I’ll check my schedule,” he mutters, not looking up from his laptop. Grades are due at the end of the week and he still has one other section to work on. 

 

“Oh, come on, Shin-chan. The sem’s almost over!”

 

“The more why I can’t lax behind.”

 

“What’s a one to two hours of eating out? I’ll help you with the grades if you want.”

 

“You’re done with yours?” Midorima looks up and raises an eyebrow at him.

 

“Of course. I worked on it earlier so it won’t clash with my arrangements for my departure.”

 

“Fine.” He returns his gaze to his laptop and enters a new formula on the cell. He really can’t say no, can he? Takao would surely find another way to make him go. “You’ll work half of my other section. Deal?”

 

“Deal.”

 

 

Right after classes, Takao drags him to the popular street in the campus lined with different food joints. They leave the building with Takao bragging about this prospective roommate and they arrive in front of the store they will eat in with still the same topic. He thinks he sees a familiar person inside.

 

“Come on now! He’s waiting.”

 

Much to his surprise, the familiar person he saw is Akashi Seijuurou. He’s already seated on the booth they are going to sit in.

 

“Well, this is unexpected.”

 

“Shin-chan, you know him?”

 

“He’s my student this sem,” he answers and turns to Akashi, “Fancy meeting you here, Akashi-san.”

 

“Good evening, sensei.” He smiles just as he recovers from the initial surprise. “I didn’t know you’re the roommate Takao always complain about.”

 

“Excuse? I do _not_ complain about you,” Takao raises his arms as if to surrender as he takes his seat. Midorima sits next to him.

 

“I find that hard to believe, Takao.” 

 

“Sei-chan!” He turns to Akashi and pouts. “I can’t believe you betrayed me!”

 

Akashi just shrugs and laughs quietly.

 

“What did he tell you about me?” Midorima looks at Akashi above his eyeglasses. 

 

“I’m afraid my lips are sealed about the matter.”

 

“How did you two know each other anyway?” He points his fingers at the two of them.

 

“Something like a work of fate.” Akashi smiles. Midorima raises an eyebrow at the way he used the word ‘fate’. Not so long ago, he was also a strong believer in its power. “We’re borrowing the one last remaining reserve book in the library about Bio. I volunteered that I would photocopy it first, he came with me.”

 

“We talked a lot. We just clicked.” Takao finishes with a grin. 

 

“You do know he’s a student?”

 

“What? It’s not like I’m that old.”

 

“And I don’t think matters like that should hinder friendships to form,” Akashi adds and looks at Midorima. “Do you?”

 

“You two are going to be roommates. Better start being friends now.”

 

Midorima looks back at Akashi with appraisal. He is his best student so far. The idea of being friends with people especially those that are younger than home doesn’t really sit well with him. The expectant look in Akashi’s eyes makes him shuffle on his seat. 

 

“Fine,” he finally says, pushing up his glasses. 

 

“Then I’ll start calling you ‘Midorima’ outside class. Will that be fine?”

 

“Sure...Akashi.”

 

Takao clasps his hands together happily. “Great! We should order now, I’m really hungry. Let’s celebrate our newly established friendships with a hearty meal tonight.”

 

“It’s on Takao,” Midorima supplements and he raises an arm to call for the server.

 

“Hey!”

 

“This dinner is your idea. Take responsibility.”

 

“Sei-chan,” Takao turns to whine at Akashi with a pout, “Help me!”

 

“I’m afraid I have to agree on this one.”

 

“Wow. I can’t believe you’re ganging up on me now.”

 

“You did say we have to get along. Isn’t that right, Akashi?” He turns to Akashi once more and they exchange knowing looks.

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Fine! You two win!” Takao pretends to sulks in his seat as the server arrives and asks for their orders. Their dinner passes by smoothly. Topics to talk about don’t fail to come to them and their table is lively even with only the three of them. Takao does most of the talking, but Midorima and Akashi exchange substantial conversations. Putting aside their professional differences, they all got along well. By the end of the night, Midorima has found himself with one more friend.

 

#

 

 

Takao leaves for Italy and Akashi moves into the apartment in his place. Unlike Takao, Akashi is very organized with his things. His books are properly kept on the corner of his room. His desk is empty except for a piece of pen, a small stack of papers and a tiny lamp. The walls are now bare from Takao’s band posters and the bed sheets are crisp and smooth.

 

Akashi wakes early before six in the morning and goes out for a run. Midorima just wakes up at that time. When he’s done for breakfast, Akashi would come back just in time to clean up. Most of the time they leave together and would only part ways when he has to head for the Bio building and Akashi has to go to his first class in the Social Sciences.

 

During Bio class, they would acknowledge each other slightly but maintain the student-teacher interaction in the room. However, when they manage to come across each other anywhere else, they treat each other as good friends. Midorima found Akashi to be a very amiable person and getting along with him even without Takao wasn’t a challenge at all. They both have a penchant for basketball games and classical music. Despite their age difference, they usually would engage in intellectual conversations about philosophy, economics, science and even the most trivial things. Akashi had the most interesting opinions on every matter and Midorima finds himself fascinated.

 

In the evenings, they continued Midorima and Takao’s ritual of bringing dinner for two alternately and eating them together in the small round dining table in the apartment. The television is usually on to fill the silence. They take turns washing the dishes and by eight PM, Midorima would usually excuse himself to prepare for the next day’s lecture and prepare laboratory exercises. He would hear Akashi go to his own room soon after. 

 

His sleeping times continue to be peaceful: free from the nightmares that used to haunt him every night. Red never fails to show up and play with him. It felt like playing with a younger brother. Midorima has never felt so fond of a kid before. But Red would question him from time to time: _how is it, being alive?_ And the question hangs in the air like an autumn leaf falling by the influence of gravity, swaying from left to right and then being blown away by a steady wind. He would wake up with the question still in mind, and he wonders why Red questions him this thing.

 

#

 

Midorima spends a whole night in his room finishing on checking laboratory exercises. Exams are in two weeks and his students need them all soon for them to study. God knows he started checking the papers early, but they just seem to pile up everytime. He had to skip dinner just so he can finish them all that night.

 

A light knock on his room breaks his streak for a moment. The door opens and Akashi peeks from the outside, a plate of food on hand. He places it on the edge of Midorima’s table.

 

“You should eat.”

 

“I need to finish these tonight,” he mutters, returning his gaze immediately on the papers. The stack to his right is still considerably thick.

 

“I can help.”

 

“You should be studying. Exams are in a few weeks.”

 

“I already have.” Akashi leans against the walls and crosses his arms in front of him. “I wouldn’t offer my help if I’m busy in the first place.”

 

“What would you know about microbiology?”

 

“Whatever your answer key can provide.”

 

Midorima leans back on his chair and lets out a sigh. He pinches the bridge of his nose and thinks for a moment.

 

“Come on,”Akashi persuades him, “I’m your best student in Intro to Bio, right? I’m sure you can trust me on this.”

 

“I know. But I don’t want to burden you with something that’s not your responsibility.”

 

“It’s perfectly fine.” Akashi steps closer and picks up a checked paper. He skims through it with knowing eyes. “I can use this. I’ll check half of what’s in that stack. Meanwhile, you go and eat your food.”

 

“Alright.” He gives up eventually, then. He divides the unchecked stack into two and gives the half to Akashi. Akashi takes them and sits on Midorima’s bed, the bed creaking slightly under his weight. 

 

“This needs to be done tonight, right?”

 

“My students need them. If they fail because I gave these out late, it’d be my fault that they weren’t able to have the option to study early.”

 

“You must be getting really high marks in the semestral evaluation.”

 

He does. Ever since he started teaching, his rating with the students has always been between “among the best” and “the best”. Nevertheless, he thinks none of this and focuses on delivering quality education to his students.

 

“It’s not like they will actually study two weeks ahead of time.”

 

“You’ll never know. They might have a same thinking like yours.”

 

Midorima sets aside his own set of papers and puts his food in its place. Tonight’s dinner is beef steak with tofu at the sides, something Akashi is oddly fond of. Akashi concentrates on the papers he is checking, the pen moving almost without a pause.

 

“How is your sleep?” Akashi asks him after a few moments. “Takao has warned me about your episodes of nightmares, but ever since I’ve stayed here every nights have been peaceful.”

 

“I’m fine now. The pills have really worked. I’ve never had one nightmare since I started taking them. Ah, that reminds me, I should probably go to the clinic soon. I’m running out.”

 

“I’ll remind you, then.” Akashi throws him a quick look. “So you won’t forget.”

 

Midorima smiles softly. “Thank you.”

 

#

 

“-eighteen, nineteen, twenty.” Midorima removes his hands over his eyes and adjusted to the light in the spacious library. The shelves are high and shadows occupy every corner they could. He turns around and sees the tables and chairs and the grand piano. “Ready or not, here I come!”

 

Silence answers him back.

 

Carefully, he steps away from his spot and starts looking. He bends down and tries to peek between the books, but he sees no one. _Where is he?_

 

He hears a giggle just behind him and he quickly turns around. No one is there.

 

“I’m going to find you soon!” he calls out, cupping the sides of his mouth with his hands. 

 

_Then-_

 

“You look different.”

 

Red appears from behind him, his head cocked to the side.

 

“I do?”

 

“It’s odd. You look relieved. Comfortable. Content.” He steps closer and tiptoes, narrowing his eyes at Midorima. “You seem to be in good spirits.”

 

“We are playing. Of course I’d be in good spirits.” He crouches and levels himself with Red. “Aren’t you enjoying?”

 

Red flashes him a toothy smile. “I always enjoy my times with you, Shintarou.”

 

#

 

Midorima almost jumps out of the couch when he hears the doorknob turning at twelve midnight. Akashi has still yet to come back. He strides to the door in three steps. Akashi opens the door and looks at him in surprise.

 

“You’re still awake?”

 

“I’m...I was waiting for you. In case you forgot your keys. I don’t want to be responsible if you end up sleeping outside.”

 

“I never forget my keys, Midorima.” Akashi dangles his keys in front of his face to make the point.

 

“Still.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Next time, tell me if you’re coming late so I won’t stay up this long.”

 

Akashi takes a step closer and looks up at him. “Were you worried about me?” 

 

“Yes.” He stands firm on his ground, looking straightly into his eyes. “Because if you don’t return in the possibility that you have fallen to a precarious situation, I would have no one to share the rent with, and your father can sue me many things. You’re still my responsibility. Go to sleep already, you have class tomorrow.”

 

He turns his back on Akashi and returns to his own room, closing the door with a loud thud. Akashi’s footsteps follow afterwards, and he knocks lightly against his door.

 

“I can’t go to sleep yet,” Akashi’s voice is muffled by the wall that separates them. “Have something to finish tonight.”

 

Midorima opens the door slightly and peeks out his head through it. “Have you at least eaten already?”

 

“Ah, no. But I will.”

 

“Dinner’s in the fridge. Just heat it up.”

 

“Thank you, Midorima.” Akashi smiles and his eyes crinkle at the sides. “Good night.”

 

He goes to sleep aware that Akashi is still awake on the other room, doing whatever requirement it is. He should have slept hours ago since he had to leave earlier than usual, but waiting for Akashi kept him awake. Was he worried? He is. But should he be worried? That, he doesn’t know.

 

He wakes up at five in morning and finds Akashi’s door open. Inside, Akashi is bent over his desk asleep, his laptop on standby mode. He is still holding a pen on his right hand and his left hand is resting over the keyboard. He decides not to wake him up for his morning run and he walks quietly to the bathroom to clean up. After he has groomed himself, he moves quietly around the kitchen to prepare breakfast. He eats his share and keeps Akashi’s covered, putting a note next to it: _Eat._

 

Just as he is about to leave, he glances at Akashi one more time and wonders why there is a sudden warm feeling that blossomed in his chest.

 

#

 

“You look different.” Takao’s face is closed up on the screen, his fingers stroking an imaginary beard. 

 

“Red says the same thing.”

 

“Whoa, really? But anyway, something’s up.”

 

“How so?” 

 

From where Takao is, it’s six in the morning and he’s preparing for his work at eight. Meanwhile, Midorima is enjoying his two hours of break from teaching and takes his time eating lunch. Skyping with Takao had been a regular part of his schedule now, that is, if neither among them is busy.

 

“Brighter? Happier?”

 

“I’m not having any more nightmares. That must be it.”

 

“No.” Takao shakes his head. “It’s not that. It’s like...hmm...well, I think I know. But I won’t say it.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Because you might haven’t realized it yourself. I’m not gonna tell it to you unless you come to know it yourself.” He flashes him a wide, knowing smile. “By the way, how’s Sei-chan as a roommate, so far? He’s onto his second year, right?”

 

“It’s all good. Just as I expected, he’s better than you. He doesn’t forget to buy dinner and he doesn’t make unnecessary noises. He also doesn’t make me run for tissue papers when he’s in the toilet.”

 

“Ouch.”

 

“You’re doing well, I suppose?”

 

“Yeah!” Takao instantly beams. “They love me. I even got an offer for a permanent position already, can you believe?”

 

“What did you say to that?”

 

“I said I’ll give it a thought. Pretty coy, huh?” He winks through the screen. “But really, though, I think I’d accept it if they ask again.”

 

“You’ve only been there for five months. Surely you should give yourself more time to think about it?”

 

“I’ve thought about it all night! You know me, I never think about anything all night.” He leans close that only his eyes and nose fill his view. “It’s my calling!”

 

“Fine. Fine. If you’ve set your mind into it, then I’ll just support you. You’ve always followed your heart anyway.”

 

“And it took me to great places. I think you should do the same, Shin-chan. Follow your heart, I mean. See where it will take you.”

 

“I already did that. That’s why I’m not in med school right now.”

 

“That’s your mind speaking. Everyone knows you didn’t like med school. And you wanted to give back to the university in some way. You followed logic and now you’re stuck there. But if you follow your heart, you’d probably find new places.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“It is.” Takao nods with affirmation. “Listen to it well, okay? I have to go now. Until then, Shin-chan. Bye!”

 

“Bye.”

 

Midorima presses the End Call button with Takao’s words still echoing inside his head. His next class starts in a few minutes. He leans back on his chair and gives it a thought. Follow his heart? How will he do it if it doesn’t know itself where to go? What is there to listen to?

 

The bell rings and Midorima has still not arrived into a conclusion.

 

#

 

Midorima shivers underneath his coat as the cold afternoon wind greets him outside the Bio building. The glass door closes behind him and he waves one final goodbye to the evening guard stationed inside. Attending to the papers to be submitted for the international conference held him past his usual working hours. Nevertheless, he managed to finish everything and he could leave worry-free. He checks his watch: 7:48 pm. He starts making his way towards the food joints as it is his turn to buy dinner. He hopes Akashi wouldn’t mind having a little late one tonight.

 

The street filled with food joints are bustling with people going around to eat dinner themselves. He remembers his undergraduate days when he and his batchmates would hang out and eat in this place for almost every single day. It’s a miracle he never grew tired of the food they sell. His feet leads him to his favorite store, and there he finds Akashi already standing outside. Akashi looks towards his direction as if sensing him, and when their eyes meet, he smiles. Something does a flip inside Midorima’s chest.

 

“Hey,” Akashi greets, “You just finished with work?”

 

“Yeah. I was actually just about to buy dinner for us. Why are you here?”

 

“I also just finished something with the club. I read your message so I thought I’d buy us dinner instead. This place is my favorite.” Akashi points at the store. “They have the best tasting meals, but not everyone realizes that.”

 

“Funny. That’s my favorite, too.” The store isn’t full despite the number of people roaming outside. He spots a free table for two. “Do you want to eat here?”

 

“Sure. The change of environment is very welcome.”

 

They enter inside and sit at the available spot. Midorima calls for a server at once and has their orders taken. Pop music plays through the speakers, different from the usual classical music they play in the apartment. The lull of the conversations going on inside the store adds to the new ambience.

 

“I got to talk with Takao earlier,” Midorima starts. “He’s doing quite well.”

 

“That’s great to hear. I’d want to talk to him soon, too.”

 

“He also said he’d probably work there permanently.”

 

“Oh.” Akashi’s eyes widen in surprise. “That’s fast. Is he that eager?”

 

“He practically said it’s meant for him.” He shakes his head. “If Takao says something like that, you’d be sure he will do anything for it.”

 

“Takao does seem to be that kind of guy. I do wish he succeeds in his endeavors. I believe he can go places as long as he follows his heart.”

 

Midorima raises an eyebrow at him. “Takao says the exact same thing. Now I see why the two of you got along so well.”

 

“Don’t you agree?”

 

“I believe it’s smarter to follow one’s logic, and sadly, it isn’t in one’s heart.” He taps a finger against his temple. “It’s in here.”

 

“That’s not entirely correct, you know.”

 

“You’re saying I’m wrong?”

 

“The mind is such an abstract concept. I don’t think there would be a correct answer if one asks which is more appropriate to follow. Why not contemplate with both and then act upon your conclusion? Isn’t that the best way to go?”

 

“It’s all very ideal. In the end, one acts upon what he thinks and feels is right at that very moment he is faced with a choice. Realization would come only later, and more often than not it is accompanied with regret.”

 

“And then it’s too late to back down.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

A server suddenly coughs, grabbing their attentions. They’ve been too wrapped up in their conversation that they didn’t notice him arriving. Their server is a lanky man with wide-rimmed glasses, wearing a forced smile on his face. He looks as if he’s been standing on his spot for a quite some time and is already losing his patience. “I’m ready to take your orders, if you are ready.”

 

The rest of their dinner goes by smoothly. Just as they are finishing their meal, Midorima sees a woman approach them from the corner of his eyes. The woman stops just beside their table.

 

“Akashi-kun?”

 

The familiarity in the way she called Akashi strikes Midorima as odd and it stirs a rather strange feeling in his gut. Akashi looks up and his eyes spark with recognition.

 

“Mori-san. It’s been a while.”

 

“Ah, it is really you.” The girl - Mori - laughs softly and her smile is warm and sweet. “You didn’t seem to have changed at all since we graduated from high school.”

 

“I hope it’s not a bad thing.” Akashi flashes her an amused smile. “I didn’t know you go here for university?”

 

“I actually just transferred this year. I always dreamed to go here but I didn’t make it the first time. So I worked hard last year, and here I am now.”

 

“Political Science, right?”

 

“Yeah, so you remember.”

 

“That’s great! You were always so vocal about it. Are you going to eat dinner? Why don’t you join us?”

 

Mori looks at Midorima fleetingly. “I actually just ate with some friends. I just made my way here because I saw you. We’re gonna have to go now.”

 

“Nice seeing you again then.”

 

“We should catch up some time.”

 

“I’d be glad to.”

 

After exchanging numbers, Mori waves goodbye at them and joins her waiting friends at the other end of the store. Midorima, who has been silent for the whole time, coughs against his fist.

 

“Who was she?”

 

“An acquaintance from high school.”

 

Midorima follows Mori’s group with his eyes as they left and he catches her looking back once more at their spot. “I don’t think she thinks of you the same way.”

 

“Whatever do you mean?”

 

“Nothing.” He shakes his head and returns to his food. It is pointless talking about his past friendships. Why would it matter to him anyway?

 

“She’s not an ex-anything, if you were wondering,” Akashi explains, much to his surprise. “She showed an interest back then but I politely declined her.”

 

“I wasn’t wondering about anything.”

 

“Alright. If you say so.”

 

Midorima wonders, however, why the strange stirring in his gut has calmed down. It is later that night when he is lying on his bed that he realizes, and he admits to himself, that he likes Akashi in a way that he wants him to be his. Consequently, he fails to sleep the whole night.

 

#

 

Akashi wakes up the next morning finding himself alone in the apartment. Usually, he would wake up with Midorima still sleeping in the next room, but when he peeks inside, he sees the sheets already fixed and spotless. Breakfast is already prepared on the table without any note left. He shrugs it away, thinking Midorima must have been in a hurry to leave for such trivial things. He arrives back at the apartment early evening and somehow, Midorima is already locked in his room. 

 

“Midorima?” He knocks on his door. “Do you want to grab dinner outside?”

 

“Already ate,” came Midorima’s muffled voice. It’s surprising, Akashi thinks, as Midorima always tells him if he already ate dinner so that he knows if  he would buy for the two of them or not.

 

“Alright. I’ll just buy food outside. Do you need anything?”

 

“No, thank you.” It’s rather distant, the way he answers, but Akashi relates to his probably piling up workload.

 

But when the same thing happens for the course of two weeks where he barely sees Midorima despite living in the same space, he finally accepts the alternative: something is off with him. That Friday night, he arrives back at the apartment at the same time Midorima is opening the door with his keys. Their eyes meet and Akashi sees him bristle, fumbling with his keys a little too fast.

 

Akashi strides to the door, standing next to Midorima.

 

“Are you avoiding me these past few days?” he demands. “Because you do know that’s impossible when we’re living in the same apartment.”

 

“I am not avoiding you.” The door finally opens and Midorima steps inside first, dropping his bag on the couch. Akashi follows, closing the door behind him. “What would make you think that?”

 

“You leave before I wake up, and you don’t eat dinner at the same time anymore. When I try to talk to you, you come up with reasons to excuse yourself.” Akashi stands right before him, demanding to be faced. “Am I making you uncomfortable in some way?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Midorima shifts on his heel and directs his gaze away. Akashi can already imagine the multitude of thoughts that run inside Midorima’s mind. He wonders what could it be that’s bothering him. Finally, Midorima returns his gaze straight at him and lets out a sigh.

 

“I have a problem and it concerns you.”

 

Akashi raises an eyebrow and crosses his arm over his chest. “Concerns me in what manner?”

 

“The thing is I find myself drawn to you more and more each day, and that is not good for so many reasons that I can think of. And as it is now, it presents a problem to both of us.” He breathes out once more. “I’d rather not say this out loud but you were right, I can’t avoid you forever. Now that you know, I’m giving you the choice if you still want to stay here or you’re going to leave.”

 

“Why would I leave?”

 

“Because it would be potentially awkward for you to be within the same room with a person who likes you. Our professional differences present a problem too, and I don’t want to compromise anything: not your studies, not my job. I don’t want to be a distraction.”

 

Akashi finds himself at loss for words in the immediate moment. He has taken the confession calmly, but to think that Midorima has considered all these things? It’s touching, somehow. He drops his hands then, not removing his eyes from Midorima’s. Whatever he has to say next, Midorima must understand well.

 

“I like you too, actually.” He takes a step back, putting a safe distance between the two of them.  Being too close makes him nervous. “For quite some time now.”

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t make me repeat myself. Now that this issue has been cleared up, it makes our lives easier. You don’t have to avoid me anymore, and I don’t have to pretend that I’m not attracted to you. That is, unless you still want me to leave.”

 

“I didn’t say I want you to leave.” Midorima’s reply comes almost immediately. “I want you here, honestly. What I gave you was a choice.”

 

“And I choose to stay here. With you. Is that alright?”

 

Midorima smiles then a different kind of smile, one filled with affection and happiness that makes Akashi feel warm all over. He takes a step forward and Midorima immediately takes him in his arms. Akashi rests his head against Midorima’s chest and he hears his heartbeat, and there he knows the answer even before Midorima says it out loud.

 

“It is.”

 

#

 

“Three months? You’ve been dating for three months and you didn’t even tell me? Shin-chan, this is betrayal!”

 

“Quiet down!” Midorima hisses on to the screen. He peeks behind him and it seems as if no one noticed Takao’s slip. “Someone might hear you.”

 

He has just told Takao about him and Akashi and what has been happening since that night they admitted to each others feelings. Nothing really has changed between the two of them. They just got more comfortable with being within each other’s personal space. It’s just lately that they became more bold with each other, sleeping on each other’s beds and touching each other intimately. This detail he did not tell Takao, for he knows he won’t hear the end of it.

 

“Isn’t that illegal? He’s still a student, you know.”

 

“Seijuurou and I are both reasonable adults. But it’s not like he’s my student anymore. It’s all fine.”

 

“‘ _Seijuurou’_ , huh? I knew something was up recently. You did look happier.”

 

“Between my nightmares being gone and being with Seijuurou, I do think I’m really happy and content now.”

 

“That’s good to hear.” Takao smiles and leans back on his chair, crossing his arms behind his head. “So about the nightmares, they’ve completely left you? No more little boy with scary red eyes?”

 

“He’s still there. And he’s not scary anymore. However, he became a part of my dreams. My times with him are pretty normal actually. It’s like living in an alternate world. He plays with me a lot, and we talk about many things. It’s weird but I don’t think it’s something negative.”

 

“It does seem kind of therapeutic. Well, as long as it does you no harm, right? You’re still taking the pills?”

 

“Regularly. It really helped me a lot, thanks to Seijuurou and his doctor. He said I might be taking the pills for a longer time, but I’d prefer it that way rather than having the nightmares come at me again."

 

“Hey. Shin-chan.” Takao’s tone turns serious for once. His lips are curved into a comforting smile, one that he usually shows Midorima whenever he tells him his dreams. It never fails to assure Midorima, and it is what he just needs at the moment. “Remember, you’re not alone. Especially not now. It’d be alright someday. I believe it will be.”

 

 

#

 

Midorima stands by Akashi’s doorway as the latter is bent over his desk, reading a particular chapter in his Finance textbook. He’s been studying since last week and the exam is still two weeks away. Midorima has always admired his dedication to his studies and he smiles to himself. He can see the undergraduate version of himself with him, only much, much better. Akashi looks up from his book and cranes his neck on either side. Midorima takes that moment to walk towards him and give him a cup of tea. Akashi smiles at him.

 

“You’re working hard.”

 

“I have to keep my standing as it is right now.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“All 1’s.”

 

“You’re really impressive.” Midorima places his hands on the base of Akashi’s neck and starts massaging it lightly. He knows just how Akashi gives into his touch and he takes satisfaction at Akashi’s sigh as he leans against him. “I’m pretty sure with your pace right now, you won’t have a hard time maintaining that grade.” He lets his hand slide down his shoulders, digging against the knots that formed due to tension. With his thumb, he kneads the sharpest point of his shoulders, pushing away the fabric of his shirt and exposing his fair skin. Akashi shivers underneath his touch.

 

“Stop distracting me.” He suddenly pokes Midorima’s side with his pen playfully, detaching himself from his fingers. A slight blush forms on his cheeks as he fixes his shirt in place. “You are not good for my academic standing.”

 

Midorima chuckles against his fist. “Don’t stay up too late.” 

 

“Look who’s talking. You haven’t even finished making your final exam.”

 

He tries to think of a retort, but he is guilty of what he is accused of. He ends up grunting instead. “Why don’t we come into an agreement?” he offers, a small smile plastered on his face.

 

“What is this so-called agreement?” Akashi eyes him curiously.

 

“After we get through our own hell weeks successfully, with you finishing your exams with high marks, and me finishing checking the exams, let’s have time for each other. Something to reward ourselves.”

 

“And by time for each other you mean...?”

 

“Exactly what you’re thinking of right now.”

 

Akashi’s eyes widen in understanding. Midorima knows just what’s on his mind. They’ve touched each other for many times already, but they never went beyond that. It’ll be both their first time.

 

“I accept,” he answers after a short while. A smile forms on his lips. “I can’t wait.”

 

#

 

The hell week pass by in a blur and before Midorima knows it, exam papers are piled up on his desk. On the final day, he spends his time in his room checking papers relentlessly. He only takes a break on the afternoon to take a bath before returning to them. By evening, he hears Akashi arrive and he welcomes him back. They eat dinner together as usual, and he returns to his room at once after cleaning up.

 

“Shintarou.”

 

Midorima doesn’t look away from the papers he’s checking but he knows Akashi would be leaning against his doorway. He has to finish checking all the papers before he can retire for bed. He hears Akashi walk towards him, and when the latter’s arms snake across his chest, Midorima makes a noncommittal sound. 

 

“Let’s go to bed,” Akashi whispers against his ears, his breath warm and tickling.

 

“Not until I finish checking the last paper.”

 

“Do you want me to help?”

 

“I can’t have a student checking another student’s paper.”

 

“I’m not _your_ student anymore, sensei.” The way he says the last word sent pleasant shivers down Midorima’s spine and he lets out a low moan.

 

“ _Seijuurou._ You’re really making this difficult.”

 

“But you made a promise. I’m done with all my exams.”

 

“Just this one last paper.”

 

“I’ll be waiting here then.”

 

Midorima shakes his head and returns to the paper at hand. Akashi keeps his arm around him, looking over at his work. By sheer will and determination, Midorima finishes checking all the papers. The distance between the two of them remained a constant distraction. He drops the pen with finality and leans against Akashi’s arms. 

 

“What’s next?” Akashi asks, planting a light kiss on the crook of his neck.

 

Midorima removes his glasses and places them on the desk. He stands up and faces Akashi, pulling him close through the hem of his shirt. Their faces are mere centimeters away and he can feel Akashi’s ragged breathing on his skin. They’ve both been waiting. “You very well know what is.” 

 

#

 

“-and I will defeat anyone - everyone!” Red’s eyes widen with excitement, keeping his fists clenched. He turns to Midorima with a smile. “What will you be when you grow up?”

 

“I’m...” _When he grows up?_ “I’m teaching now in the university.”

 

Red cocks his head to the side and looks at him with a frown on his face. “That’s not what you wanted.”

 

“Are you talking about me wanting to be a doctor?”

 

“M-hm.” He shakes his head, his hair bouncing along with his movement. “You hated that. You told me you wanted to reach the stars.”

 

“That’s impossible. They’re billions of miles away.”

 

“They’re not! You told me we could reach them if we tried stretching our arms far enough.” He extends his arm, his fingers curled forming a circle around his right eye. He closes his left eye and smiles. “See? I caught one.”

 

Midorima imitates him and traps the brightest star within his fingers. “I caught one, too.”

 

Red laughs fondly. “Stop being so silly. You know that’s Venus.”

 

“Is it?” Midorima laughs with him -

 

_Then-_

 

“You’ve forgotten.”

 

The cold water of the creek rushes beneath his feet. Red stands not far before him, his back turned. Shadows move within the thicket of trees.

 

“Forgotten what?”

 

“About me. About the doctor.”

 

“What doctor? You’re Red, aren’t you?”

 

The boy turns around and his red eyes glow like fire.

 

“That’s not my name.”

 

“But-”

 

“My name is -”

 

_Then-_

 

“Shintarou.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Are you still afraid?”

 

“Of what?”

 

The white sun revolves across the gray sky. The trees dance, their leaves falling on the ground. He feels no wind.

 

_Then -_

 

A body lies on the ground. A thick pool of liquid crawls on the grass. A pair of red eyes stares back blankly. 

 

The hand moves. 

 

Then his lips.

 

A cracked voice.

 

“Dreams.”

 

#

 

Screams.

 

His eyes fly open and he grabs at empty air.

 

“-tarou! Shintarou! Wake up!” 

 

_Who are you-_

 

“Shintarou.”

 

_Red eyes._

 

_Red._

 

“It’s me! Seijuurou!”

 

_Red._

 

“Look at me!”

 

Warm hands take hold of his cheeks and he’s forced to look at the person before him -

 

_Seijuurou_. _Seijuurou._

 

“Seijuurou...”

 

“Is it the boy again?”

 

He nods.

 

Akashi wipes off the sweat that trickled down his face, combing his hair away from his eyes. Midorima’s hands are shaking and Akashi holds them together.

 

“You’re awake now. I’m here.”

 

He nods.

 

Akashi takes him in his arms, resting his head on the crook of his neck.

 

“I don’t want to sleep,” Midorima whispers, afraid of the darkness that will surround him once he closes his eyes.

 

“You don’t have to,” Akashi assures him, “I’ll stay awake with you. It’ll be alright.”

 

Midorima is tense against him and his muscles are taut. Akashi rubs circles on his back until his breaths come out normally. They stay like that until the sun rises and Akashi coaxes Midorima to breakfast.  At nine in the morning, they make their way to Mukami’s clinic. Midorima has more or less calmed down, but Akashi can still see the fear in his eyes. Akashi had squeezed his hands many time to assure him that he’s safe.

 

The clinic is almost empty when they arrived and Midorima is called into the office at once. Akashi waits on one of the chairs on the waiting area and pulls out a novel from his bag to distract himself from the worry that gnaws in his mind. He covers three chapters before Midorima emerges from the office. His expression looks normal again and Akashi sighs in relief. 

 

“Is everything alright?” he asks when Midorima sits beside him and places a hand on his knee.

 

“Yeah. He just asked me about the nightmare last night. He told me to add one more pill in my intake and see how it goes. He gave another three bottles. If it works, then I will continue with it. If it doesn’t...I will have to give him a call.”

 

“Will it be safe?”

 

“He said so,” he shrugs. “I can only trust him right now.”

 

“Did he say what could have brought back the nightmare?”

 

Midorima scratches the back of his neck, his cheeks tinging a slight pink. “Ah, he suggested it could have been due to...strenuous physical activities.”

 

“Oh.” Akashi feels his own face heating up. “I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have pushed you last night-”

 

“No, no, it’s fine.” Midorima squeezes his knee lightly and smiles. “He just said that I let my mind be too defenseless in the process that’s why the nightmare managed to return. But he said it probably won’t happen again in that way.”

 

“And that means?”

 

“We can do it again anytime you’d like.”

 

“That’s a little bit reassuring.” Akashi chuckles and plants a light kiss on his lips. 

 

“Thank you...for being here for me. You don’t know how much it means to me.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Shintarou. Not anytime soon.”

 

#

 

Midorima sits on a couch and Red stands not far from him. A violin is perched on his shoulder and he saws through it. No music comes out. Midorima watches as Red plays an unheard piece, and when he finishes, he brings his hands together for an applause. Red opens his eyes and looks at him with a surprised expression.

 

“You’re back.”

 

“Don’t you want me here?”

 

“No!” He shakes his head profusely. “I want you here. I really do. I just thought...you wouldn’t come back after last time.”

 

Midorima looks around and spots a grand piano in the center of the room. “Is it working?” he asks, pointing at it.

 

Red follows his hand with his eyes. “It does.”

 

“Do you want to play together?”

 

Red smiles and nods.

 

Midorima walks to the grand piano and settles himself on the bench. He opens the lid and it creaks as if it hasn’t been opened for years. The ivory keys are cold to the touch. He presses a key. No sound comes out.

 

“Ready?” he asks Red.

 

“I am.”

 

_Then -_

 

“Is it working? The medicines he gave you?”

 

Midorima places his cup of tea on the glass table soundlessly. He looks up then at the person before him and sees not a small boy but someone else very familiar. Red eyes stare back at him.

“Who are you? Where is Red?”

 

The stranger’s lips turn up into a soft smile that Midorima feels he had seen it a lot of times already.

 

“I’m Seijuurou.”

 

_Seijuurou._

 

“You are not...Seijuurou.”

 

“Oh, but I was.”

 

# 

 

“Shintarou?”

 

Midorima looks up. A pair of red and gold eyes stares at him worriedly.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Are you alright?”

 

A movie is playing on the television, something about a young man eager to travel the world. He has lost attention for it for quite some time that he can’t recall what had transpired. The popcorn he had prepared earlier lays untouched on his lap. Akashi is nestled against him on the couch, a blanket covering their legs. The sky outside is a dull gray, the wind blowing stronger than before. An impending storm was reported a few days before.

 

“Have you always had those eyes?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Red and gold, I mean. I’ve been wanting to ask you before.”

 

Akashi’s hand absently reaches for his left eyelid, the one with the gold eye. “Yeah. Father told me it could have been some...genetic thing.”

 

“Did you have a brother? Or a relative that looks like you?”

 

“Not that I know of. Why do you ask?”

 

“The boy in my dreams...he grew up. He’s around my age, I think, and he...he resembles you so much.”

 

“Except his eyes are both red?”

 

“He had longer hair, too, around here,” - Midorima reaches for Akashi’s fringe - “Reaches his eyes. He called himself Seijuurou.”

 

“Well...that’s odd.”

 

“Don’t think too much about it.” He shakes his head and returns his attention to the movie. “Must have been some manifestation of you in my dreams.”

 

“Do I inhabit your thoughts that much?” Akashi tries to smile despite the worry that grows in his chest. He holds Midorima’s hand and he spares him a look. However, it seems to pass through him. Akashi feels a sense of foreboding.

 

“Probably.”

 

#

 

A yellow butterfly flies before Midorima and he instinctively reaches out for it. The butterfly successfully evades his hand and rather, lands on Seijuurou’s shoulder. Seijuurou turns to look at it with a surprised look on his face. He raises his hand tentatively as if wanting to touch it.

 

“It seems to like you.”

 

“Does it?” Seijuurou looks at him then, a question crystal clear on his red eyes.

 

“Go on. Try touching it.”

 

Seijuurou does, and the butterfly seems to get comfortable beneath his fingers. He lets out a small laugh and his face brightens even more. “Aren’t you supposed to be attracted to flowers, little thing?”

 

More butterflies of different colors appear and hover around them, following them as they walk. 

 

“Maybe they find you just as likable.”

 

“Do you?” Seijuurou trains his eyes on him in a way that makes him flush.

 

Midorima averts his gaze and fumbles with adjusting his glasses. “Even more so.”

 

From the corner of his eye, he sees the yellow butterfly crawl on Seijuurou’s hand. He raises it above his head and the butterfly takes flight into the trees that lined the road. The other butterflies follow suit. Several students mill around on their way to their own classes. 

 

“Do you ever dream of being free?”

 

“Aren’t we?”

 

Seijuurou looks wistfully at him.

 

“I apologize for forgetting. Of course, you are.”

 

#

 

“Seijuurou.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Do you remember last time when we were walking around here?”

 

“When was this?”

 

The setting sun cast long shadows on the ground and the wind blows cold. A group of students pass them by, giggling about something that concerns a girl whose name is unfamiliar. 

 

“That time when there were a lot of butterflies? You asked me if I ever dream of being free?”

 

Akashi looks at Midorima and sees someone just as strange.

 

“We never had that conversation, Shintarou.” He steps closer and wraps his hand around his own, holding on to him wishing that he isn’t too late. “Maybe you dreamt about it?”

 

He frowns and looks somewhere far away. “Maybe.”

 

#

 

“And that,” -Seijuurou places a general on Midorima’s side of the board, “-is a checkmate.”

 

Midorima leans back against his chair, hitting his forehead with his palm. “Didn’t see that one coming.”

 

“I told you, didn’t I?” His red eyes twinkle knowingly with triumph. “Lay out your defenses more carefully.”

 

_Then-_

 

“Checkmate.”

 

Midorima drops his hand and sees a pair of red and gold eyes staring at him.

 

“What?”

 

“You lose. Again.” Akashi smiles. “Care for another round?”

 

Midorima looks around him. The wall clock says it’s ten to five. 

 

“This is our second game?”

 

“No. Just the first.” His lips thin into a worried line. “Are you alright? You seem off since earlier.”

 

He laughs, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “It’s probably just the stress. Exams are coming up, plus my thesis adviser was persuading me again to take post-grad studies. As if I don’t have enough on my hands right now. Don’t worry about me.”

 

“Do you want to visit Mukami-sensei one of these days?”

 

“There’s no need. I still have many pills.”

 

“I’m not talking about your pills. I’m thinking maybe you should tell him about your dreams.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong, Seijuurou. Trust me.” He reaches for his face-

 

_Then-_

 

“Seijuurou.”

 

A pair of red eyes stare at him with wonder, forehead creased into a frown. Midorima’s hand cups his left cheek.

 

“Shintarou, will you stay with me?”

 

“Of course.”

 

#

 

“Shintarou?”

 

Nothing.

 

“Shintarou, it’s 8 am. You won’t want your students waiting for their exam.”

 

Akashi shakes his shoulders.

 

“Shintarou?”

 

His eyes flicker to the bottle set on the bedside table. He reaches for it. 

 

_Empty._

 

#

 

Akashi opens his eyes at the sound of heels clacking on the tiled floor. The echo of the wail of the ambulance still rings in his mind. When he looks up, he spots a familiar shade of green coming near him. He knows it isn’t his Midorima’s. He stands from his chair, manners taught to him making him move automatically. 

 

“Shizuka-san?”

 

“Akashi Seijuurou, right?” Midorima’s sister looks up at him.

 

“I’m your brother’s roommate.”

 

“You don’t have to lie to me,” she says. Her lips are turned up in a comforting smile.  “I know about your relationship. You can show your worry.”

 

“I-...Thank you.”

 

“How is he?” 

 

They take their seats and Akashi clenches his hands together, willing them to stop trembling.

 

“He still hasn’t woke up. The doctor said he’s in comatose.”

 

“Comatose?”

 

“Yes. He’s been unresponsive to stimuli, but they said the monitors are showing that he’s in REM sleep.”

 

“REM? That means he’s dreaming.”

 

“That seems to be the case.”

 

“What did they say caused this?”

 

“Overdose. He’d been taking these sleeping pills the doctor recommended him. But it’s still not sure because the theory with the pills is that overdose is an impossible scenario.”

 

“True until otherwise disproved,” Shizuka mutters under her breath. “That’s how theories work.”

 

“Yes, you’re right.” He nods. “The pills have been working fine but recently he had to take more because the nightmare returns if he takes too few. I checked his bottle last night, it still had six pills. This morning it was empty.”

 

“His dreams have become that bad? Brother isn’t even telling us anything.”

 

“He doesn’t tell me everything either. And recently, he’s pulled away even further from me. From people. He’s always occupied.”

 

“Brother’s like that. He doesn’t want people to help him. He tries to do everything by himself. He thinks he can do everything by himself to the point that he suffers because of it. And he will never complain.” Shizuka’s voice lowers into almost a whisper and cold feeling settles on the hallway. “Darkness will eat him from inside out and no one will know about it until it’s too late.”

 

#

 

The apartment feels bigger when Akashi returned that afternoon. Everything has remained as it is when they left. He turns off the fan that has been left running all day long. The empty pill bottle lays on the floor. He picks it up. Just then, a small sound inside catches his attention. He quickly opens the bottle and taps it against his palm. A small white pill rolls out.

 

_White? Wasn’t he drinking a red pill?_

 

Akashi fishes his phone out of his pocket and searches through his contacts for his doctor’s office number. He presses call and puts the phone against his ear, impatiently tapping his foot. No one answers. He tries calling the second time but it still results to nothing. Akashi calls the hospital that he regularly works in instead. Someone picks up after the third ring.

 

“Hello, this is KMS Medical Hospital. How may I help you?”

 

“Hi, I’m looking for Mukami Hideyoshi. I’ve tried reaching his own clinic but no one’s picking up.”

 

“Oh, Mukami-sensei is in an international conference right now abroad. He won’t be back for a week or two. He didn’t really say.”

 

“Is there anyway for you to send him a message? There is a very serious matter that I have to discuss with him. A matter of life or death, in fact.”

 

He hears the faint tapping of fingers over a keyboard on the other end of the line. “May I know who’s speaking, please?”

 

“Seijuurou. Akashi Seijuurou.”

 

“I will forward your message immediately, sir.”

 

“Thank you.” Akashi hangs up.

 

He gets himself a glass of water and tries to stay put in the living room. The feeling of guilt has grown in him so much ever since he left the hospital. If it wasn’t for him, Midorima wouldn’t get to meet Mukami anyway. He knows blaming himself is an irrational thing to do, but at the moment, it’s the only thing he can do.

 

“No.” He stands up and looks directly in front of him, fists clenched at his sides. He can’t just sit around. He can do something. “It’s not too late.”

 

#

 

From the train station, Akashi and Shizuka takes a cab to get to the Midorima residence. They sit together at the backseat quietly for the most of the ride. Akashi had been the one to suggest that they visit their home. He wants to ask their parents some things that could bring light to Midorima’s situation.

 

“I already told them about brother’s situation so you won’t have to explain everything,” Shizuka reminds him when entered a gated village. “Well, I haven’t told them about the two of you. Probably shouldn’t mention that yet.”

 

They get off in front of house with cream walls and brick red roofings. The front yard is lined with rose bushes and some cherry blossom trees. Akashi can almost see Midorima spending his childhood here. 

 

Shizuka presses the doorbell and the sound echoes within the residence. Not for long and a woman comes out from the front door, wiping her hands off her apron. Akashi can see her resemblance with Midorima. 

 

“Mom!” Shizuka excitedly waves.

 

“Shizuka!” The woman’s face brightens and she strides to the gates and opens it quickly. She holds Shizuka’s face and looks at it for a moment before wrapping her in her arms. “I’m glad you’re safe.” She pulls away and strokes her daughter’s hair. “You didn’t tell me you’re arriving today.”

 

“I brought a friend of brother. He wanted to talk to you about some things.” Shizuka steps on the side. But before he can introduce Akashi, her mother gasps loudly and she freezes on her ground, her face turning pale. 

 

“Sei-Seijuurou? How?”

 

Akashi and Shizuka exchange glances.

 

“You know him?”

 

“You’re-” She points a trembling finger towards his direction. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

 

#

 

Three cups of steaming hot tea sits between Akashi and Shizuka. Miyako - her mother - had been a little hysterical a while earlier until Shizuka managed to make her calm down. When she narrowed her eyes at him, she seemed to have come into a realization and she apologized for her reaction. She introduced herself then and invited them inside. She prepared them tea then excused herself for a while to retrieve something from the second floor.

 

“Do you have any idea what was Mother talking about?” Shizuka finally asks.

 

Akashi shakes his head. “I’ve never met any of you before.”

 

“But Mother knows your name. Unless brother has talked about you to them?”

 

“I’m sure he hasn’t.”

 

Footsteps from the stairs get their attention and they see Miyako going down with a thick blue book on her hands.

 

“This is what I wanted to show you.” She gives it to Akashi. The title is written in English: Grimm’s Fairy Tales. “Go on, open to the first page.”

 

Akashi carefully opens the book as he usually does. The pages are yellowed with age and the scent of paper emanates strongly. He scans the first page and his eyes widen when he sees what’s written on the bottom page: _Akashi Seijuurou._ It was written carefully like a diligent child would.

 

“Years ago, we transferred to Osaka. Shintarou was only six. We had a neighbor who had a son. Shintarou got to be friends with this boy for a few months and they were really close. That boy’s name was Akashi Seijuurou.” A chill ran down Akashi’s spine at the sound of his own name. _Who was he: the boy that was not him but had the same name?_

 

“Seijuurou was a sickly boy so they often played just within the Akashi estate. It was big, really big. Hectares, I think. It was summer that time, just as usual, the two were playing. However, the two failed to return by sunset so they conducted a search within the estate. What was found shocked everyone.”

 

“Seijuurou was dead?”

 

Miyako nods, her eyes tearing up at the memory. “It was really terrible. There was blood on his mouth and on his clothes, and his eyes were still open. Shintarou laid not far from him. At first we thought he was already dead, too, but when we found him still breathing, he was immediately rushed to the hospital.

 

“The Akashis - your parents - they were devastated over their son. He had been going on a treatment for his condition, but the doctor said that chances leaned to his death. They were hoping he could still be treated. As for Shintarou, he didn’t wake up until two weeks later. And when he did, he has no memory of what happened. Nor of Seijuurou.”

 

“Selective amnesia,” Shizuka quips. “He must have seen something very traumatizing that his brain chose to delete that certain memory and anything  related to it.”

 

“That’s what the doctors have said. The memories could be retrieved through therapy, but they recommended not to because it could be damaging to his young mind. We decided to move back here to Tokyo. The Akashis moved somewhere else, too. It was really sad. Seijuurou was their only son that time. I never knew they had another one.”

 

“I never knew about this, Mother.”

 

“Was this when Shintarou’s nightmares started?”

 

“Not until he was in his early teens. At first we thought it was nothing, but then when he asked him he described the exact scene we found on that day. We had him sent to a psychiatrist and they prescribed therapy. It was going fine for some years until his body gave up one day. We found out he’s been putting himself through unnecessary fatigue just so he can keep the nightmares away. They gave him sleeping pills and they worked fine. But, I don’t know what happened now.”

 

Akashi’s mind reels at once, remembering the very first day of his encounter with Midorima. Seeing him must have triggered back the nightmares. He flips the pages of the book through his fingers. A photo stuck in between falls on to the ground.

 

“What is this?” Shizuka bends down and retrieves the photo. She shows it to them. It is an old photo of two children - Midorima and Seijuurou - sitting on a piano bench together. Seijuurou had a wide smile on his face while Midorima had his lips turned up in an awkward smile. “Is this you?” she asks Akashi.

 

“No,” Akashi answers in a whisper as he holds the photo between his hands. The boy looked like him, but he knows it isn’t him. He recalls a distant dream from his childhood.

 

“I still don’t know what’s happening right now,” Miyako admits, “And I’m more confused than ever. But I’m hoping there is hope that Shintarou will wake up soon. He’s been through so much.”

 

“He will wake up.” Akashi’s fingers tighten around the photo, his resolve strengthening even more. “I swear he will.”

 

#

 

Back when Akashi was still in middle school, he stumbled upon a leather journal in their library. The journal bore no name of the owner and the pages were filled with entries handwritten with a pencil. He read it every night before he went to sleep, stories about someone playing with a boy named _“Midorima Shintarou”_ , taking in medicine, and hoping to recover from whatever sickness took the person’s body. Akashi didn’t pay mind to it seriously until he hears of the name _“Midorima Shintarou”_ once more in a university fair. Naturally curious, he decided to go to that university to find out if he’s the same person. However, he found himself interested and his initial goal was soon forgotten.

 

Now with the journal in hand in his room, every single word of it comes back to him. He flips through the pages and reads the very last entry.

 

_6/21/1995_

 

_Good morning, I feel better and better everyday. I can catch up to Shintarou now when we run around the gardens. Yesterday he taught me how to climb a tree. I got a small scratch on my knee, but it’s alright. Shintarou tried to treat it until Mom saw him and helped him. He said he didn’t want to be a doctor, but he still tries to be one. Strange thing._

_Tomorrow is the last day. I’m really excited and I’m looking forward to the days after this. I can be a normal kid, at last._

 

Something in Akashi’s chest constricts. He traces the words with his fingers and feels all the lost possibility for the writer. The entry was never followed. It only means that _‘tomorrow’_ never came. And from what he got from Midorima’s mother, he’s sure now that the writer is that Akashi Seijuurou that owned the blue book of fairytales. This Akashi Seijuurou was long dead.

 

The moment he hears their gates being opened, he quickly goes to his father’s study and waits for him. The book is on his lap, the photograph tucked within. After a few minutes, the study’s door opens and he turns to look at his father. He hasn’t seen him since months ago and somehow, he looked older. His white hairs grew in number and the wrinkles on his face are more pronounced.

 

“Seijuurou. I was surprised when they told me you came.” He sets his briefcase on the table and takes his seat across Akashi. “What seems to be the problem?”

 

“I found out things that you haven’t been telling me this whole time.”

 

“Like?”

 

“Like the existence of an Akashi Seijuurou that isn’t me.”

 

His father’s face show no reaction. 

 

“Where did you hear of this?”

 

“From an old neighbor of yours. Do you remember? The Midorima family? Or have you chosen to forget?” Akashi lays down the book of fairytales and the old photo before him. 

 

Finally, his father’s face changes, his eyes widening, his lips parting. He reaches for the photo with trembling hands. His face crumples and he caresses the photo with his thumb. “Seijuurou.” His voice is but a whisper but Akashi hears the pain beneath his words, and he realizes his father called out to a different person. In his voice he hears years of longing and regret. Who is he who is able to let this emotions out from his father, always so sure and stoic?

 

“He’s the same boy I saw from my dreams when I was a child. Who is he?”

 

Masaomi stands up wordlessly and goes to his bookshelf. He reaches a rather thick book from the top shelf and wipes its cover with his palm. Akashi walks over to him and his father gives him the book. “I have never told you about him, but, there’s a Seijuurou before you. He is - _was_ \- your brother.”

 

Akashi opens the book and finds it to be an album, full of photographs from the first Seijuurou’s infanthood - his mother carrying the baby in her arms with a wide smile on her face, crawling on the floor with his father waiting on the other end of the picture, walking on the grass - until his childhood - the boy in the hospital smiling up for the camera, behind the grand piano, reading a book to his mother. They looked very much like each other except for their eyes. 

 

“We lived in Osaka years ago. Seijuurou was sick back then. A rare disease that made him weak and the doctor said it would kill him before he reaches adulthood. Your mother was distressed. Bearing children was difficult for her and she always wanted a child. To think that our only son is bound to die early was just painful. To be honest, we were just waiting for him to die. We hired a doctor - Mukami Hideyoshi, your doctor, too - to look after him regularly. He was taking maintenance pills to keep him as healthy as he can be, but chances were leading to his death.

 

“He had a friend back then, the son of the Midorimas. They played a lot. Being with that boy always made Seijuurou look and feel better, so we encouraged him. They never left the walls of the estate.” A dark look passes his face. “But that one afternoon-”

 

“You don’t have to tell me about it if it brings back bad memories, Father. I’ve already heard about that incident.”

 

His father’s face softens a bit. He takes the album from Akashi’s hand and returns it to the shelf. “Nevertheless, it was a rather terrible past. Your mother cried day and night and she had to go to therapy to get over your brother’s death. When we had you, it was a chance to start again. Your mother chose to give you your older brother’s name. We especially took care during her pregnancy to make sure you will be delivered healthily. But your mother’s second pregnancy didn’t fare well for her. You were left alone in my care. I’m sure that if she’s still alive, your mother would be very happy to see you for the person that you are now.

 

“Your brother would have loved to have you. When you had dreams about him way back, he was probably looking after you in a way.” Masaomi smiles wistfully. “Why were you in the Midorimas, first of all?”

 

“Remember when I told you about my instructor that fainted and you told me to refer him to Mukami-sensei?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, that instructor of mine is Midorima Shintarou, brother’s friend when he was still alive. He’s my roommate, if you’d recall. Mukami-sensei prescribed him sleeping pills that actually worked well for his nightmares. But one day these nightmares came back and Mukami-sensei prescribed him another kind of pill. It also worked, yes,  but his dreams became a little different. It’s all complicated but the thing that you have to know is that Mukami-sensei told him taking any number of pills he deemed fine is alright. And now Midorima is confined in the hospital. He hasn’t woke up for  days now, and the other doctors say it’s due to overdose.”

 

His father’s eyes widened. “Where is Mukami-sensei?”

 

“Away in a conference, the hospital told me. But they weren’t sure when he will return either. If anyone knows how to wake Midorima up, it’d be him. I need your help.”

 

“I don’t want to think Mukami-sensei is that kind of man...but I’ll do what I can. I have contacts overseas. I’ll try my best to find him. Let’s hope Midorima Shintarou doesn’t end up with the same fate as your brother’s.”

 

#

 

The first ring hasn’t even ended yet when Takao picks up on the other line.

 

“Sei-chan! How is he? Please tell me he’s alright.”

 

“He’s...still the same.”

 

“At least he’s not worse?”

 

“I can’t assure that, Takao.”

 

“Damn it.” Akashi hears the faint sound of Takao punching something. He understands his frustration very well and clenches his own fists. “What made you call then?”

 

“I wanted to ask something about Shintarou’s dream. He never told me about what exactly happened, just that there’s a boy. By any chance, do you know everything about it?”

 

“Why is this important?”

 

“Because he’s probably dreaming about it right now, and I want to know what exactly is there with him.” Akashi runs a hand through his hair and his eyes land on Midorima’s sleeping body. The machines attached to his head shows that his whole brain is still active despite being unresponsive to stimuli. He’s still dreaming. “I need to know what I should be protecting him against from.”

 

“He’s been having that dream since he was a kid, Sei-chan. No one can protect him, not even you.”

 

“I know. But it won’t stop me from trying.” He walks over to the window and looks at the city lights. “And I believe the key to all these is lying within his dream.”

 

Takao sighs. “Well, I guess there’s no harm in telling. It’s just a simple scene: A boy’s body is on the ground and Shin-chan would see blood flowing from somewhere. Maybe it was from the boy’s mouth? And his eyes are wide open. Everything around them is gray except for the boy’s eyes which are-”

 

“Red.” Akashi finishes. 

 

“Which, incidentally, is what the boy told Shin-chan to call him.”

 

“The boy grew up in his dreams just a few months ago. Around your age, probably.”

 

“Really? That’s a first.”

 

“Shintarou says we looked so much alike. Did you know what I found out from my father yesterday?”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I had an older brother.”

 

“Wait, what? I don’t understand. You never knew about this brother until now? Hold up.”

 

Akashi tells Takao everything, from when he found the white pill inside the bottle the afternoon he returned to their apartment, when he went to Midorima’s house and his mother told him he should be dead, and when he confronted his father about the truth. Takao is silent the whole time except for the occasional gasps and curses. 

 

“You’re suggesting that the boy in Shin-chan’s dreams and your older brother are the same person?” he says when Akashi finishes laying out the details.

 

“I’m not suggesting. It’s the mere truth. The proofs I’ve uncovered are more than enough. The dreams, the picture...they all fit together.”

 

“And what happens now that you know all these?”

 

“When people dream, everything that their five senses get from their environment, they translate into the world the dream has created. Say, if a music is playing while you dream, chances are you will hear this music somewhere in that dream, too. Silly as it may sound, I will talk to Midorima. And I’m hoping my older brother, supposing it’s him, will hear me as well.”

 

“Will that work?”

 

“Theoretically. This is what I can do for now until Mukami-sensei gets back from his conference. If anyone has the answers, it’s him.”

 

“I really hope he does, Sei-chan.”

 

#

 

“ _At last the prince came to a chamber of gold, where he saw upon a bed the fairest sight one ever beheld—a princess of about seventeen years who looked as if she had just fallen asleep. Trembling, the prince knelt beside her, and awakened her with a kiss. And now the enchantment was broken._

 

_“The princess looked at him with wondering eyes and said: [Is it you, my prince? I have waited for you long.]_

 

_“That very evening the prince and princess were married. The next day the prince took his bride to his father’s palace, and there they lived happily ever afterward_.’”Akashi closes the book and lays it on the table. He looks over at Midorima and sees no change in him. “If this were a fairytale, I could have woken you up a long time ago.”

 

He drags his chair closer to Midorima’s bed and leans towards his ear, holding his hand between his own. The monitor shows that Midorima is still dreaming. All that Akashi can try is take a chance.

 

“Can you hear me?” he whispers. “I know you can. I hope you haven’t forgotten about me, Seijuurou.”

 

He swallows, trying to compose himself. It feels eerie talking to someone who has long passed away.

 

“I recall now, when you used to visit my dreams as a child. I thought I was only dreaming about playing with a mirror version of myself. We had so much fun, do you remember? Until I told Father about you and he made me go to Mukami-sensei. They took you away from my dreams. Is that when you visited Shintarou’s instead?

 

“I understand how you wanted someone to talk to, to be able to feel like you’re alive. You’ve been robbed of that too early and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for taking your place, for having your name, for having the life you should have lived. I probably wouldn’t have existed if you lived. And Mother would still be alive. 

 

“I took so many things, but I never meant to. Any of them. It’s alright if you won’t forgive me. I only have one thing to ask of you: please don’t take Shintarou away. He still has a life to live. Dreams to pursue. Bring him back to us. Please.”

 

He leans closer and plants a light kiss on Midorima’s cheek. “Shintarou, please come back.”

 

#

 

Midorima stirs and covers his eyes from the glare of the morning sun. He looks down and smiles at the sight of Seijuurou snuggled up against him, his eyes already open and looking far away.

 

“Good morning,” he greets him sleepily, “You’re awake too early?”

 

“I woke up from a dream.” Seijuurou’s voice comes out in a whisper, and his a smile is a bit lonely.

 

“What’s it about? Why do you look bothered?”

 

“He’s asking for you now, and I know I have no right in holding you here even if I want you to stay so bad.”

 

Seijuurou stands from the bed and extends his hands to him. The sun casts shadows on half of his body and for a moment, Shintarou thinks his left eye changed its color. He blinks, and it is back to normal. Both red.

 

Shintarou reaches for his hand. “I won’t be going anywhere, Seijuurou.” 

 

“But you are.” 

 

_Then-_

 

“-eighteen, nineteen, twenty.” A young child with forest green hair removes his hands over his eyes and adjusted to the light in the garden. The trees are high and shadows occupy every spot they could. He turns around and sees the thicket of bushes and hears the stream not too far from them. “Ready or not, here I come!”

 

Silence answers him back.

 

Midorima stands not too far from the child and recognizes himself. His face is round with youth and his body is small and fragile. Set on his face is a pair of eyeglasses Midorima remembers they have discarded a long time ago.

 

The child steps away from his spot and starts looking between the bushes. His face suddenly crumples in confusion and he quickly turns around. No one is there.

 

“I’m going to find you soon,” he mutters, keeping low and crawling on the dewy grass. He pushes himself with his arms not minding the dirt. Midorima sees the grim determination in his young eyes.

 

Quietly, Midorima follows the little him as he moves almost soundlessly on the garden. Midorima can’t tell what he’s looking for, but he finds himself helping with the search. He hears a faint voice, and both of them turns to the direction of the sound. A triumphant smile flashes on the little boy’s face and he crawls towards the voice, still quietly but faster than before.

 

It isn’t long until he catches a glimpse of two people near the stream. He hides himself behind another bush and listens.

 

“-playing? You came a little later than usual.” A man’s voice. Someone oddly familiar to Midorima’s ears.

 

Young Midorima takes a peek and they both sees another boy - Red - talking to a man in a white coat. 

 

“No.”

 

“Did you get lost? You know you can’t miss your medicine, Seijuurou.”

 

_Seijuurou._

 

“I know our garden well enough,” he shrugs. “I play here on my own lots of times.”

 

“You do? You’re a brave, clever boy, aren’t you?” The man pulls out a bottle from his pocket and   drops _one, two, three_ white pills from there. “I apologize if you had to take these here, but it’s for a good reason. You understand that, don’t you?”

 

“Yes.” Red smiles, a thin line against his pale skin. “This is the last time, right?”

 

“And then you can finally go to school like a normal boy. You can finally go outside.” He steps forward, away from the shadows, and his face comes into clear view. A cold sense of dread fills Midorima’s being. _Mukami._

 

He tries to take a step towards Red, to stop him from taking the white pills, but something holds him in his ground. The young him remains crouched behind the bushes, unmoving.

 

Red takes the pills in his small hands and looks at them with a mixture of hope and wariness in his eyes. He looks at Mukami he smiles encouragingly. Midorima watches fearfully as Red takes in the pills. Mukami gives him a bottle of water and he gulps it down.

 

Seconds pass by.

 

“How do you feel?”  

 

“Nothing different.”

 

Mukami pulls out a stethoscope from his coat and kneels before Red. “Let me?” He puts them on his ear and places the diaphragm above Red’s chest. “Okay, breathe normally.” Inhale. Exhale. “Good. Good.” He removes the stethoscope and smiles at Red, putting an arm over his small shoulder. “You did well, Seijuurou.”

 

He puts back his stethoscope in his bag together with the bottle of pills. Red smiles back slightly.

 

“You’ll tell Mother and Father I’m already healthy?”

 

“Yes.” He ruffles his hair endearingly. “Are you excited?”

 

He nods, his eyes bright with eagerness. The earlier wariness has now been replaced with joy and gratitude.

 

“See you tomorrow then.”

 

“Thank you, Mukami-sensei.”

 

Red watches as the doctor disappears into view. Cold wind blows and the leaves rustle up on their branches. Birds fly overhead. A lump of cloud covers the sun and fills the world with shadows.

 

“I know you’re there, Shintarou.”

 

The young Midorima clucks his tongue before showing himself from the bushes. Red turns around and smiles at him.

 

“Why were you drinking medicine?”

 

“I’m sick,” he answers without any hesitation. “But the doctor said I’m healed now. I’ve always been inside, but now I can go out. I can be free.”

 

“That’s good then!” Young Midorima’s eyes brighten. “Go to my school! We can have lots of fun there. I’ll show you around.”

 

“I’ll tell mother and father. We should be classmates.” 

 

They walk back to the house together, talking more about Midorima’s school. They talk about the clubs they will join in and the seats they will take in class. Midorima follows them behind, feeling that something will happen. 

 

And something does.

 

Red stops in his tracks and leans against a tree.

 

“Seijuurou?” Young Midorima reaches for his friend’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

 

“I...I can’t...breathe.” His face suddenly contorts in pain and he lets out a grunt. He doubles over and coughs violently. Both Midorimas tries to reach for him, but then, he vomits. 

 

_Blood._

 

“Seijuurou!” 

 

Red heaves and clutches at his chest. He tries to stand up, his knees supporting his body -

 

It’s as if the very world stopped moving. 

 

The air stills and there is only silence. 

 

Red freezes, and he falls on the ground, his arms spread around as if he’s an angel that has fallen from the sky. Blood stains his mouth and the grass that he lies on. His red eyes stare at the two Midorimas, and both of them sees the very moment the lights leave them.

 

Dead.

 

_Then-_

 

“Do you remember now?” Red and Seijuurou ask the question at the same time, their voices ringing in the empty space. Midorima is lying down on the ground and he looks up at the two of them. “Do you remember me?”

 

“Seijuurou.” Midorima tries to choke back his tears. Now he knows why he kept on asking him what is it like to be alive. He was his childhood friend. All the past dreams were but memories of their time together. “You...how could I forget?”

 

“I don’t blame you.” Their voices blend together eerily. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

 

“I was beyond saving, Shintarou. But you can still save yourself.”

 

_Then-_

 

Midorima stands in the middle of the garden that he used to play around in with Seijuurou. On the left, he can see the tree that they tried to climb up until Seijuurou’s mother found them and told them it was dangerous. On the right is the stream with its water crystal clear, the place where they liked to dip their feet after running around. Far behind him is the view of the library where they used to read books and play music together. And before him stands Seijuurou - the one with red eyes and a sadness in his smile. 

 

“I’m going to miss you once you wake up.” He reaches for him and holds his face with careful fingers. “I’d wish for you to remain, but I can’t keep you here forever.”

 

“Come with me, then.” They could have grown up together.

 

Seijuurou shakes his head. “I’m not real.”

 

“But you are to me.” He takes Seijuurou’s hands off of him and holds them between his own tightly. “Isn’t that enough?”

 

The sun is high overhead on the cloudless gray sky and the trees sway to a strong wind. The grass beneath their feet starts withering and turning to ash. Tears form on Seijuurou’s eyes and they fall down like raindrops.

 

“It’s not.”

 

“Seijuurou...”

 

“You can’t bring me back. But, someone’s waiting for you out there. You have to go to them. You have to tell them about what happened to me.”

 

The leaves from the trees start to fall one by one as if held by an invisible thread, slowly lowering them to the ground.

 

“You will be alone again.”

 

“Not anymore.” Seijuurou smiles and looks up to the sky. “This world is breaking down. I will be truly free, at last.” A crack forms on the sky above them, spreading from the center like a breaking snow globe. Bits of the gray sky fall back to the ground, landing with a chime and dissolving into glittering dust. Seijuurou looks at him once more, his red eyes shining. “Tell Seijuurou I never blamed him for anything. Let’s meet again someday, Shintarou.”

 

“I’ll bring you peace.” Midorima pulls him closer and plants a kiss on his forehead. “We will meet again.”

 

The sun explodes. 

 

_Then-_

 

Darkness.

 

#

 

“I’m sorry...did he actually say he didn’t want me inside?”

 

“Yes, sir. He specifically said not to let ‘ _Akashi Seijuurou_ ’ see him until he says so. I apologize but I have to respect our patient’s wishes.”

 

Akashi stands in front of Midorima’s hospital room frustratedly as the nurse leaves him to go inside. Why did Midorima not want to see him? Did something happen in the dream? Did his brother say anything that made Midorima hate him?

 

The doctors said Midorima woke up late last night and upon initial check-up, his vital signs are normal. It’s almost as if he just woke up from a very long sleep. However, they recommended that he go through therapy so that they can work with removing him from his dependence to the pills Mukami had prescribed him. But still, he wanted to see him alright himself. He _needs_ to know he is alright.

 

Akashi’s phone rings. He checks it and Takao’s name flashes on the screen.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Sei-chan, I just talked with him.”

 

“Lucky you.” He sighs. “He won’t see me.”

 

“I figured that one out. He told me he was stuck in a dream with the older version of Red, the other Seijuurou. He said it felt so real that he feels odd thinking about seeing you, so he’d rather not at the moment. But, hey, don’t worry, it won’t be for long. Just give him time to get over from the dream.”

 

“I’m just thankful he’s awake now. Mukami-sensei hasn’t been found yet.”

 

“Do you think he knew exactly what he did and now he’s ran away?”

 

“I don’t think he would be that kind of person, but as it is now, that’s the most plausible explanation.” He clenches his fist at the thought of everything that had happened. Mukami is the center of it all. “He still has to answer to so many things.”

 

#

 

When the door opens, Midorima braces himself if ever Akashi appears. He had told the staff not to let him in, but Akashi has his ways. But it isn’t him that shows up, and somehow, he even feels colder.

 

“Mukami-sensei.” He inches his hand nearer the call button.

 

“Don’t. Please. I’ve heard about what happened. I just want to talk to you for a while before I turn in myself.”

 

Midorima keeps his hand near the button. “I know what happened to the first Seijuurou. He showed me in my dream.”

 

“You saw what happened, but you don’t know everything. That’s why I’m here to clear it up first to you. Let me talk.”

 

“Then do so. I’m not moving my hand.”

 

Mukami sighs. Looking more carefully, Midorima notices that he looked much older than the last time he saw him. Dark circles are beneath his eyes and it’s as if he hasn’t slept for days. He runs a hand through his already disheveled hair.

 

“First, I want you to know that I really wanted to help you. The red pills were the real thing. But when you returned to my clinic and told me about how your nightmares showed up again, and you described it detail by detail, I panicked. You described perfectly the scene of Seijuurou’s death, and I was afraid that he came back to haunt me.

 

“The white pills I gave you then were from the time the first Seijuurou was still my patient. Technically speaking, it would probably be expired by now. But I didn’t know how much it would effect. I gave them to you hoping that it can affect parts of your brain that triggers the dreams.”

 

“Those white pills were the pills that killed Seijuurou.”

 

“I know. But I didn’t want him to die. Those were newly medicated pills that time, and I used the boy as my experimental patient. I dreamt of a medicine that can cure most types of illnesses, and I thought I had it uncovered. Seijuurou showed signs of getting better and better each day. But that fateful afternoon, it’s as if his body just gave up. It must have stopped his immune system way before and killed him slowly then all at once.”

 

“And what about me? You gave me the pills knowing that? You wanted me to die with the truth the moment you realized Seijuurou was in my mind?”

 

“I...I don’t want anyone to die.” Mukami covers his head with his hands. “I just wanted to help. I tried helping the second Seijuurou when he started dreaming about his brother. He was the second patient who tried the red pills so I  was confident it would help him. It did. I wanted the same for the older Seijuurou. For him to be better. I treated him like my own son.” His shoulders started shaking then and he breaks into tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

Midorima removes his hand from the wall and keeps it in front of him. The sight of the broken doctor before him shakes his core. His anger dissipates and instead, it is filled with pity. “Seijuurou - the older one - wanted me to tell you that he holds no grudges. But you must account for your responsibilities.”

 

“I will. I will. I will turn myself in and pay my dues.”

 

“One more thing.” His voice drops to a whisper, and he tries to keep his voice steady. “Will I die, sensei? Or will I live? Tell me.”

 

Mukami looks up at him and Midorima feels the world stop.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

#

 

The metal door of the rooftop creaks and Akashi has to cover his eyes from the glare of the setting sun. A strong wind blows and ruffles his coat. Midorima sits unmoving on the bench on the farther end. Akashi walks over to him. He’s aware Midorima already knows he’s there even if he doesn’t acknowledge him.

 

“Mukami-sensei has been found guilty.” He stops a few meters away, keeping a safe distance. “He confessed about his malpractice to you and to my brother, and your statements about my brother’s death strengthened the murder charges against him. His license has been revoked and he’s bound to spend the rest of his life in jail.”

 

Midorima turns his head slightly to his direction but he trains his eyes somewhere different. “Your brother wanted to tell you that he never blamed you for anything, and so you should not blame yourself in any way. Wherever he is now, he’s free.”

 

“You dreamt of him again?”

 

“No. That’s what he told me the last time we were together. Before I woke up from my comatose.”

 

A stronger wind blows and the gray clouds move to cover the sun. A huge shadow befalls the rooftop and the view on the ground.

 

“Can’t you say all those things while looking at me with your own eyes? Do you still see my brother in me?”

 

Midorima flinches. “It’s more than about seeing your brother whenever I see you, Seijuurou.”

 

“Then what is it about, Shintarou? Why are you pushing me away all this time?”

 

“I’m afraid.”

 

“Of me?”

 

He shakes his head. “I’m afraid of leaving you behind.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Mukami-sensei visited me before he turned himself in. He apologized and explained himself. I took the chance to ask him if the pills he gave me were the same pills he made your brother take.”

 

“Don’t tell me-” Akashi’s voice drops to a horrified whisper as the realization hits him. 

 

“They’re the same.”

 

All the air seems to be sucked out of his body and the ground he stands on wobbles beneath him. He grabs tightly onto the wire mesh to steady him until he feels the pain from the cold metal digging into his skin. “You will die, too?”

 

“I don’t know. Mukami-sensei’s not sure either. But it doesn’t remove the probability of me dying the same way your brother did: slowly then all at once. And I can’t be with you right now, because I don’t want you to lose somebody the same way for the second time around. It’s more than cruel, Seijuurou. I don’t want that for you.”

 

Akashi lets go of the wire mesh and carefully closes the distance between the two of them. He feels Midorima steeling himself, the muscles on his neck tightening.

 

“Push me away all you want, but I’ve already told you I’m not going anywhere. Not anytime soon.” He takes a seat and reaches for Midorima’s hand. “Especially not now.”

 

Midorima looks at him then, and Akashi sees how his eyes are red and puffy. Has he been worrying about this the whole time? “I can’t promise the same.”

 

“Look, Shintarou. It’s all not hopeless, alright? Think. If those were the same pills, then their effects might have expired already. Besides, the doctors were able to flush out most of the pills you took before you got into comatose.”

 

“The ones I took way before are already embedded into my system. It’s probably working right now, killing me silently.”

 

“If there’s an important difference between your case and my brother’s, it’s that no one was able to help him before.” Akashi squeezes his hand tightly. “We can still help you now. We can still save you.”

 

“And what if it’s too late?”

 

“I’ll still be always with you.” He closes the distance between them and kisses him tenderly. When they pull apart, Akashi smiles. “You won’t be alone this time.”

 

#

 

Recovery is slow but it comes, nonetheless. Midorima goes to therapy every weekends, and on weekdays he continues teaching in the university. Mukami is thrown into jail and his clinic is declared non-operational. Akashi tried talking with him before about Midorima’s situation, but he proved to be unhelpful.

 

“I know you’re angry with me,” Mukami had said. “I can see it in your eyes, and I deserve that. I don’t know what to say, honestly, I’m not worthy of forgiveness. But I know you are not the type to give up. I may not know the outcome that can befall Midorima Shintarou, but you can turn it around.”

 

“Of course, I can,” were the last words he told him before he turned his back on him and left. He couldn’t remain talking with him for much longer because every time be looked into his eyes, he can only see the eyes of someone who killed his brother.

 

They went back to the apartment once Midorima was released from the hospital and fell into routine. During the nights, Midorima would insist on sleeping beside each other and Akashi would oblige willingly. Midorima keeps his arms around Akashi tightly, as if afraid that he would disappear any moment. No more dreams haunted Midorima. However, he is still quite different from the normal him. He holds his shoulders a bit lower and he seems always downcast. That’s when Akashi realizes something else has haunted Midorima. His fear.

 

He decides to visit his brother’s grave together with Midorima to give them some sort of closure, to which the latter agrees but not without doubts. The trip to Osaka took them more than six hours. The graveyard is next to empty and the chilly wind blows steadily. The name _“Akashi Seijuurou”_ is carved on the gray stonehead and seeing his own name made Akashi shiver. 

 

They clean it up first, removing the moss and grass that covered most of the base. It must have been quite some time since someone visited. When it’s finally spotless, they pay their respects, placing peonies on each side of the gravestone. Midorima remembers how Seijuurou told him long ago that his favorite flowers are the peonies that grew on their garden and he made sure it’s the one he brings to him.

 

“I told him that I’m sorry that I couldn’t save him before, just before I woke up.” Midorima starts. “He told me it’s alright because he was already beyond saving anyway. But he told me it’s not too late for me.”

 

“You don’t believe him?”

 

“I don’t know. What can he be sure of? He’s just a figment of my dreams. But...but I want to hold on to his words. I want to believe I still have a long life to look forward to.”

 

“Then do it. Believe. If you let your fear eat you up, you’re just as good as dead. Didn’t he let you go from the dream because he wanted you to live?” He weaves their fingers together and holds him tightly. “He gave us both a chance. Let’s use it well.”

 

Midorima looks at their entwined hands and he brings it up to kiss Akashi’s knuckles. A small smile forms on his lips. “You’re right. We shouldn’t be wasting any moment.”

 

“Once we leave this place, we also leave behind all our fears and worries. We will start to move forward. But for now, let’s say our final goodbye for my brother.”

 

They sit before his grave and talk as if Seijuurou is there with them. Akashi tells him of his childhood, of his life that he would have experienced himself. He tells him how they would have been good brothers and best friends. He tells him how, if their mother is still also alive, they could have been a happy family. Midorima tells him how he’s sorry that they didn’t get to spend more times together and that he’s grateful for the second chance at life Seijuurou had given him. He tells him to be happy wherever he is and that may he enjoy the freedom he has acquired.

 

The sun is almost down by the time they are done. Fog forms and the temperature drops considerably. Akashi shivers underneath his shirt. 

 

“Time to go?”

 

Midorima wraps his arm around his waist and pulls him close. “Yeah.”

 

“Goodbye now, Brother.”

 

“We’ll meet again someday.” He repeats the words he told him in the dream. “Wait for us, alright?”

 

Akashi smiles, touching the gravestone one last time. He traces his finger over the name that he and his brother share, the only real connection he can hold on to. _Farewell._ They turn around and retrace their path outside the graveyard. A cold wind blows and Midorima suddenly stops in his tracks.

 

“What is it?” Akashi asks.

 

“Nothing.” He shakes his head. “I just...never mind.”

 

Akashi looks back at the gravestone. The peonies remain, slightly wilted from being there the whole time. “You heard it, too, didn’t you? What he said.”

 

Midorima looks behind, too. “He said ‘ _thank you’_.”

 

The wind blows once more. This time they hear _‘Goodbye’_.

 

 

 

#

 

_Midorima shields his eyes from the sun, shining bright up high in the sky. The soft grass of the meadow tickles his back and he settles comfortably on the ground he’s lying on. A gentle wind blows and dandelions dance with it, their white, feathery seeds flying up into the air._

 

_“Shintarou.” He looks up and sees Akashi staring at him with a smile brighter than the sun, a twinkle in his eyes, and his hand extended towards him. “Shall we?”_

 

_He takes it and Akashi pulls him up. He sees the wide expanse of the meadow and the single tree that stood mightily on the middle._

 

_“Come on.”_

 

_With their hands together, they weave their way through the knee high dandelions to the tree. He sees a vague outline of another person waiting underneath its shade. Akashi starts increasing his pace, and after a while, they are both running. A strong wind blows. Akashi laughs. He laughs with him._

 

_At last, they reach the tree and the stranger looks up at the two of them. He smiles. Akashi offers his other hand to him and he takes it. The stranger then offers Midorima his free hand. He looks at Akashi with questions in his eyes._

 

_“Go on.” Akashi assures him. “Hold onto him.”_

 

_Midorima takes the stranger’s hand and he is cold beneath his touch._

 

_“...You’re Seijuurou, right?”_

 

_His red eyes widen with some sort of pure happiness. “So you remember.”_

 

Then-

 

_Three little boys stand in a circle, their hands linked with one another. They walk to their right, slowly at first, then constantly gaining speed until they are all running and laughing. The world spins around them faster and faster and faster. They eventually let go and they fall on their backs, the flowers cushioning their fall._

 

_The sky is streaked pink, orange and purple. The setting sun is a burning ball of flame descending behind the mountains. They stand beside each other, their hands linked once more, and their shadows stretch long on the meadow._

 

I’ve always wanted this.

 

_The first star of the night appears._

 

I wish it could have been like this.

 

_At that moment, there exists no one but the three of them._

 

The three of us.

 

_That is more than enough._

 

Then-

 

_“Let’s meet again someday.”_

 

#####

 

 


End file.
